she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
