Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
