I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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