i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
