Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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