id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
