You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
