Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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