I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
