Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize