i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
