she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize