i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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