just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
