I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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