have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize