So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
