So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
