That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
