so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
