so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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