i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
