Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
