Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
