He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
