He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
