hell yes lets make some ravioli
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
