woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize