fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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