you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
