Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
