i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
