Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
