I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
