Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
