This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
