his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is the high leading the old right now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
