But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
