Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He did a backflip because drugs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
