I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
