Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
