My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
