Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
