I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
