we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
