I think I won the penis lottery.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
