I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
