I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
