I hate your face
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
