I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
