no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
