College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
