But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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