she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
soo... how was my night?
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