Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
