ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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