I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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