it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
