did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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