Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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