K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
