oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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