I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
