omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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