I can't breathe out the right side of my face
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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