I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
