I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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