dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
