Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
