she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
