He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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